Today in the News

I bet Brian Williams is really happy to be a news anchor during Armageddon. I mean, seriously - what a primo job to have while the world goes to shit. He's probably all full of humility when he runs into someone who stops to tell him how they lost their job and their house and the stress gave them a heart attack and now they can't find work at 55 so they're living in their son's basement, but what makes them feel better is his big face telling him that the whole world is going to hell with him. Brian probably says, "Aw shucks, you're just saying that."